THE LEADER (7): Loneliness and Sacrifice

By Matthew Ujah-Peter

Here's part of an article from http://www.forbes.com/sites/work-in-progress/2012/02/23/if-mark-zuckerberg-is-lonely-heres-my-solution/#3e65ac2e26f4

 that fits into today's discussion perfectly well:

Do You Feel Lonely As A Leader? Study Says You're Not Alone.

by Kristi Hedges

Kristi Hedges, Contributor . FEB 23, 2012 @ 10:45 AM

This month, Harvard BusinessReview featured a story about how lonely it is to be the CEO. The article echoed what anyone who’s been a leader or run a company knows well — it’s isolating at the top. Especially for new leaders, the issue can be surprisingly unsettling.

The authors cited survey findings that “half of CEOs report experiencing feelings of loneliness in their role, and of this group, 61 percent believe it hinders their performance. First-time CEOs are particularly susceptible to this isolation. Nearly 70 percent of first-time CEOs who experience loneliness report that the feelings negatively affect their performance.”

Your first reaction may be: cry me a river.

Corporate CEO behavior and lavish salaries haven’t exactly instilled empathy. Should we care if billionaires like Mark Zuckerberg or Jeff Bezos aren’t reaching the top of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs?

I would argue, any leader’s isolation has negative ramifications on others. And it’s not just CEOs who experience this kind of loneliness — it’s team managers, entrepreneurs, and community leaders too. In fact, anyone who finds themselves peerless can feel isolated. This isn’t good for decision-making, culture, or performance.

The best leaders have confidantes who can give it to them straight, speak truth to power, and keep them in the know. Stanford management professor Robert Sutton warned against the “toxic tandem” of leadership, where those in charge become more self-absorbed and less attuned to others’ perspectives precisely when they need outside information the most.

Many times those in leadership positions don’t feel they have a right to experience loneliness. After all, they worked hard to land their coveted position. But it’s a near universal human response to experience times of isolation in a leadership role. As I discussed in The Power of Presence, relatedness is extremely important to our well-being and effectiveness. Neuroscientist researcher David Rock has shown that it’s “hardwired” with biochemical roots.

Because the leader’s actions reverberate, one person’s isolation becomes a larger problem when it leads to poor decision-making, negativity, fatigue and frustration. And who wants to work for an unhappy person?

If you’re in a leadership role, you can guard against being isolated by making connection a priority. Don’t feel bad about it; view it as a necessity.

The foregoing article aligns perfectly with what I want to discuss today. And they're some of those easier-said-than- done advises that work.

It is Lonely at the Top

You don’t want to always lock yourself up at the top, because, I tell you the top is lonely. Apart from the loneliness you experience for daring to be different as a leader which you can’t really control, withdrawing from the people just because you feel superior is never going to help you in your leadership quest. Leadership is not superiority mindset. You must make friends. Leaders are friendly people. But the kind of friends you make counts. You will need to fill your court with intellectuals, visionaries and mission-oriented people, while you work to help the mediocre and the defeated member of your people rise above their plights.

As said above, the day you discover yourself as a leaders, a temporal loneliness will come as you will become sort of strange to those you use to rub shoulders with prior to your new discoveries. This is true for leaders in established positions and those leading from non-authority positions.  It's not easy to stand alone and not many people can stand alone, let alone doing so for the long term. Some friends may leave you.

But if you know what you're doing prove your staying power, soon enough like minds will find you out. But choose your friends, and do so wisely. You're not called to stand with the majority. If the majority is right, of course, you are with them. If they're wrong you are not going to join them because they are the majority. Leaders are not politicians. Politic is only a vehicle, not the only vehicle, though. But leaders are people with the power of ideology that brings genuine progress. A leader doesn’t look for bandwagon to join. He's not looking for trend to identify with. Leaders are thinkers and change agents who cast better visions. This is what causes the unavoidable loneliness for leaders, especially at the beginning of their quests. Most people won't, on their, own initiate or advocate the right values and stand by it unless they see someone else who can provide the leadership for which they can give support. So your loneliness has an expiring date. You must first prove your resilience and staying power.

If you can bend easily, especially due to opposition and loneliness, you won’t carry weights as a leader. But if you prove yourself with the passage of times you'll surely gain torrents of supporters. Another source of loneliness for leaders (and this is a strength, actually) is that they must separate themselves often for personal study, mediation, prayer and reflections. A leader who doesn’t do so often is like a car going miles day in, day out without refuelling and servicing. The strength of the leader is new knowledge and new inspirations. And he needs regular personal time out for just that.

Sacrifice is the Core of Leadership
You're not a leader so you can be loved; you're a leader because you love your people. Hence, that love must be strong enough to make you ready to put your life on the line for your people and purpose. If your love is not strong enough to cause you to stick out your neck for your calling and followers, if the need arises, don’t venture into visible leadership; the people won’t need you, trust me. Of course, there're numerous other leadership roles you can assume, if you really, really want to serve, but don’t want to make a sacrifice that measures up to your own very life. Such leadership role abounds and many don’t like it because it doesn’t attract fame, accolades and applause. 

Every action from a leader, whose role is visible, will immediately transmits across the entire fabric of the society or group he represents; therefore, it is wise and honourable not to venture into such position of leadership with halfheartedness. It is unfair to hold leadership position and send wrong signals to your people. A leader who risks his very own life and reputation for his people will doubtless raise an army of courageous and fearless followers who will stand with him in times of trouble. Your acts of selfless bravery will inspire such excellence spirit in them that, they too, will willingly risk their own lives, reputations and luxuries to support you. Your acts will surely have multiple effects on your people. If you go a mile for them, they will go more miles with you, fighting by your side. A single but simple act of selfless bravery of a leader can turn the must feeble member of the society into a gallant fighter. Act of example work, and pay. It pays long terms and it pays short terms. It pays, all things being equal, it pays, all things not equal.

What most followers need and are looking out for is example. Acts of example is contagious, both in the negative and in the positive. A negative example, if not checked, is the society’s undoing. Your people want a man who can provide a point around which they can rally. This is your calling as a leader. It's your life. It's your purpose. You must forge your people into an army. Discipline, sacrifice, hard work, purposefulness, honour and dignity are your watch words and theses must be instilled into your people. Resistance will rear it head at the beginning. But with tact, consistencies and personal examples, you will succeed.

You must continually fan into flame the fire of bravery, heroism, honour, discipline, excellence and sacrifice. Be a man of tough words but back it up with acts of examples. Of course, you can’t show practical example in all things but your example must be at a level particular and peculiar to your office. Never give place to fear, indolence and pessimism.  Make them take genuine pride in what and who they are. Build self-confidence in them. Never let any one of them feel defeated by life’s challenges. Never let any one of them exhibit the victim mindset. This is not to say the leader mustn’t admit and exhibit a sense of humour and humaneness. Of course there’s a need for balance.

MAXIMUM RESPECT!